Sometimes I scribble out random poetry. It's nearly always associated with music, lilting and melodic or loud and cacophonous. Not to a tune I know, but to sounds I feel in my soul. And I'm just suddenly driven to start writing things down. Afterwards, a lot of times, I'll open up my Bible and start reading the Psalms, where David bears his soul before our Lord. My poetry is that for me. Bearing my soul. Sometimes it comes out in the form of prayers. Sometimes I leave it raw. Sometimes I go back and revise. Not surprisingly, the theme often has to do with love (a favorite topic of mine). This is the raw version of something I wrote last night:
blurry lines,
where I end, you begin,
we combine.
banking on hope—two is better than one
instead of imprisoning, freeing
lack of definition reconstituting vision,
redefines and elevates
beyond ourselves into something else
complete me
better me
bring out the best in me
pick a line
impossible to define
why we work better together than we do on our own
no longer alone
blurry lines,
where the river ends and the ocean begins
constant ebb and flow
new depths
new highs
butterflies all the time
understanding beyond reason
cherishing beyond measure
realizing the truth—two is better than one
maturing into willing sacrifice
one before the other
where you end, I begin,
we combine.
blurry lines.
Re-reading it today sent me to I John 4. Then I Corinthians 13. Both of which got me thinking of how much more God loves me than I can know or understand or will ever be able to love Him back. Overwhelming and awesome.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal." I Corinthians 13:1
Friday, December 11, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
snowfall
We were shocked with an early snowfall in DC today. Nothing stuck to the ground, but it was beautiful. Snow always makes me think of how creative our God is, how did He think of this? I love snow because it's the perfect excuse to hibernate. Started digging through some old stuff I'd written and found this...
A game of hide and seek.
Revealing bits and pieces of me.
Made for each other.
Not love at first sight.
Still, a perfect fit.
Everything was right.
And then it wasn't.
Building up layers.
One brick at a time.
Pick me up, put me back on my feet.
Wall off the parts I'd started to let go of.
Time heals everything doesn't it?
A game of hide and seek.
Step and step and step
One second,
One hour,
One day.
Wise me up for next time.
Wise me up.
Another comes along.
Suprisingly willing to go through it all again.
A little slower this time.
Battle scars still around to remind.
Burning out the memories.
A game of hide and seek.
Revealing bits and pieces of me.
A game of hide and seek.
Revealing bits and pieces of me.
Made for each other.
Not love at first sight.
Still, a perfect fit.
Everything was right.
And then it wasn't.
Building up layers.
One brick at a time.
Pick me up, put me back on my feet.
Wall off the parts I'd started to let go of.
Time heals everything doesn't it?
A game of hide and seek.
Step and step and step
One second,
One hour,
One day.
Wise me up for next time.
Wise me up.
Another comes along.
Suprisingly willing to go through it all again.
A little slower this time.
Battle scars still around to remind.
Burning out the memories.
A game of hide and seek.
Revealing bits and pieces of me.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
who is the holy spirit?
Over Thanksgiving break I picked up a copy of "Forgotten God," another Francis Chan book. It's about how we as the modern church have forgotten who the Holy Spirit is and have failed to embrace the Spirit the way Christ intended us to in the gospel of John when he said:
"Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you." John 16:7
Jesus himself said it is to our advantage, as believers, that he not be here in physical form, but that the Spirit come and take His place in us. This is so hard for me to understand. Alive with the Spirit. What does that mean? What does that look like? How can it possibly be better for me not to be able to have Jesus physically standing next to me every day and counseling me in how to live? Physical touch is my primary love language. And I often hear myself saying or find myself thinking "If only Jesus were here to hold my hand, all of this all would be so much easier." I long for Jesus to be next to me in the same way I long to be home in heaven.
But again, Christ said it is to my advantage that he leave and send the mighty Counselor in his place. The early church understood the Holy Spirit. If you look at Acts, it's incredible to see what all of the apostles did following Pentacost. I have to wonder what the church would look like today in America if people had even a remote understanding of what it means to be alive with the Spirit. I can't even begin to imagine, but I'm going to spend the rest of December reading this book and studying Acts and appealing to the Spirit to make Himself known to me in a way I have never experienced before. I want to live by the Spirit in a way that it's obvious to every non-believer that steps into my path, in a way that reflects the power of a true and living God unleashed inside of me. I want to move my head knowledge of the Spirit into soul knowledge and I fully expect it to be life changing...
"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:5-6
"Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you." John 16:7
Jesus himself said it is to our advantage, as believers, that he not be here in physical form, but that the Spirit come and take His place in us. This is so hard for me to understand. Alive with the Spirit. What does that mean? What does that look like? How can it possibly be better for me not to be able to have Jesus physically standing next to me every day and counseling me in how to live? Physical touch is my primary love language. And I often hear myself saying or find myself thinking "If only Jesus were here to hold my hand, all of this all would be so much easier." I long for Jesus to be next to me in the same way I long to be home in heaven.
But again, Christ said it is to my advantage that he leave and send the mighty Counselor in his place. The early church understood the Holy Spirit. If you look at Acts, it's incredible to see what all of the apostles did following Pentacost. I have to wonder what the church would look like today in America if people had even a remote understanding of what it means to be alive with the Spirit. I can't even begin to imagine, but I'm going to spend the rest of December reading this book and studying Acts and appealing to the Spirit to make Himself known to me in a way I have never experienced before. I want to live by the Spirit in a way that it's obvious to every non-believer that steps into my path, in a way that reflects the power of a true and living God unleashed inside of me. I want to move my head knowledge of the Spirit into soul knowledge and I fully expect it to be life changing...
"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:5-6
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
hard-working to a fault
I'm one of those people who's always worked hard. Even my name, Emilee, means industrious. And I am every bit of that word. I'm not blind to what a gift this is, but tonight I got to thinking about my faith and how it's so contrary to my own nature because I can't work for it. This is what spilled out...
Toil and spin,
Work the day away,
Sleep
Wake up
Go to work
Come home
Sleep
Wake up
Do it all again.
This is life isn't it?
If at first you don't succeed,
try again, right?
But I try,
and try and try and try
To make my way
Do it all on my own
Make it alone.
Inevitable failure.
Fatally flawed.
Ring around the rosy.
We all fall down.
Pick up and try again.
Exhausted with myself.
Exhausted by myself.
Exhausted of myself.
Finally.
Something I don't have to work for.
Wait, what? I can't work for it?
I can't earn it?
I can't do anything for it?
Let me work for it.
It's the only way I know.
I need to feel like I've earned it.
Like I deserve it.
Payback for all that's been done.
But I can't.
A lifetime of being conditioned isn't easily overcome.
Simultaneously done and undone.
You are the only One.
My debt is settled.
Now what?
"But by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
Toil and spin,
Work the day away,
Sleep
Wake up
Go to work
Come home
Sleep
Wake up
Do it all again.
This is life isn't it?
If at first you don't succeed,
try again, right?
But I try,
and try and try and try
To make my way
Do it all on my own
Make it alone.
Inevitable failure.
Fatally flawed.
Ring around the rosy.
We all fall down.
Pick up and try again.
Exhausted with myself.
Exhausted by myself.
Exhausted of myself.
Finally.
Something I don't have to work for.
Wait, what? I can't work for it?
I can't earn it?
I can't do anything for it?
Let me work for it.
It's the only way I know.
I need to feel like I've earned it.
Like I deserve it.
Payback for all that's been done.
But I can't.
A lifetime of being conditioned isn't easily overcome.
Simultaneously done and undone.
You are the only One.
My debt is settled.
Now what?
"But by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9
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