So I've done a pretty good job at convincing myself I'm "good" at loving on people. To a certain extent, it's true. I tend to lean towards grace. I tend to be generous. I tend to be self-sacrificing to a fault in my friendships and relationships. In particular, when I'm letting the Lord fill me up, I seriously overflow with love in a way that probably seems manic to people who've never experienced the real and living God. Still, a couple of weeks ago someone pointed out that at its most basic level, the true manifestation of being a self-proclaimed Christ-follower is the process of a lifetime of pouring out and expecting nothing in return. We're all screw ups and no one deserves anyone. That's the beauty of the freedom we have in Christ--a freedom to love beyond measure because we're loved beyond measure, free from being consumed by the guilt of the continual, unavoidable screwing up. I understand the Biblical concept of being poured out like a drink offering and that the source of it all is Christ. At the end of the day though, for the most part, I still want to be loved back by those I choose to love, no matter how much I tell myself it doesn't matter. Does this mean I'm not letting God fill me up enough with His love? Does it mean I'm not loving God enough or trusting Him enough? Can't really wrap my head around an answer to those questions.
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