night vision

Just wanted to direct you to the sermon that Mike Kelsey gave tonight at Frontline. It was out of Psalm 13, and about navigating through tough times in your life. A few points really stuck out to me:

#1. Your ability to come to God in times of trouble is only as big as  your perception of God...this is so true. My vision of the Lord directly affects how I approach Him when I struggle with things. In my heart, I know the Lord to be so many things. Still, in moments of struggle, especially when I'm feeling the weight of sin in my life or guilt for not acting as I know I should or making decisions within God's will, my personal tendency is to view the Lord as the perfect and holy judge. It's a view that limits me from embracing the forgiveness, mercy, grace, and love of God's character. 

#2. Do not mistake honesty with God (i.e. expressing the struggle and doubts in your heart about current life circumstances) for a lack of faith--unless you let those doubts drive you away from God. I'm constantly humbled by the smallness of my faith, especially in light of the fact of what I believe about God. Last fall I adopted the mantra, "trying to be a mustard seed," and I frequently reference Hebrews 11 and how I wish I had faith like the fathers of our faith. Right now, for example, I'm having a really hard time with singleness. It's something that comes in waves for me, and while I firmly believe if God wanted me to be married, or even dating right now I would be, I still find myself calling out like David: "how long?". If I'm really honest, right now, it's putting a rift between me and the Lord. I find myself pushing Him away and trying to make my own decisions about it, even while I'm honestly expressing my heart's desire. Ironic (and exhausting) seesaw.

#3. It's possible to know something in your head but feel something completely different in  your heart...this wasn't really an "ah-hah" revelation to me, but it was incredibly comforting to hear it from the pulpit. Having been a Christ-follower for over 20 years, I have a lot of head knowledge about my faith, a lot of things I know fundamentally to be true about God. At the same time, I'm a complete feeler. I have a huge heart (see every other blog I've written) that can sometimes win out over the logic in my head. This spurs a lot of internal conflict--especially when it comes to relationship struggles, whether dating or friendship or family.

I'll leave you with the text of the Psalm. It's simple and poignant at the same time. There's no easy solution to navigating the dark times in life, but using David's model can certainly help with the night vision...


Psalm 13

 ¹ How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
²How long must I take counsel in my soul
   and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

 ³ Consider and answer me, O LORD my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed over him,"
   lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

 ⁵But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
   my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
⁶I will sing to the LORD,
   because he has dealt bountifully with me.