a Psalm of brokeness

wrote this during one of the hardest times of my life...

"A Plea to my Father"

Who am I to even open my lips,
or raise my hands in praise to you?
I am nothing.
My heart is always after evil.
My spirit a slave to itself.
I am unworthy to call you friend;
Let alone Father, or Savior.
You have this crazy perfect love for me.
But at the smallest glimpse,
the smallest taste,
the smallest hope of love,
My heart turns from you to another.
Woe am I, a sinner.
Who am I? Undeserving.
Would that You reach down and slay me.
My actions bring nothing but shame to your name.
I no longer deserve this precious gift of life.
I never did.
I cannot reconcile myself.
I cannot explain myself.
I cannot justify myself.
For I know how to think, speak, act;
Yet I do otherwise,
Running after the attention of men,
Instead of pursuing obedience in You.
My spirit is broken by my own weakness.
My mouth speaks words,
So many words,
But what is my heart?
I am at war.
Help me or I will be broken forever.
Rescue me.
Show me mercy,
Help me accept it.
I cannot live apart from You.
And I long to be nothing more than a drink offering.
Poured out constantly for you.
Unconcerned with any part of this present world.
Circumstantial comfrot is wasted upon me.
Break me of myself.
I want to be glad for no one but You.
Submit my soul to Yourself, even amidst these trials.
Take everything from me but Yourself.
Because this--this life, this existence, this world--is not about me.
It never was.
It never will be.
You are my only hope.